I don’t think anyone ever imagines on their wedding day they’ll be part of the 46% that doesn’t live happily ever after.
-Will Hayes
That line opened the 2008 romantic comedy featuring Abigail Breslin, Ryan Reynolds, and Isla Fisher titled “Definitely, Maybe”, a cute, heart-warming movie about a father telling his daughter about how he met her mother.
Well, this movie has a rather interesting background such as Clinton 1992 campaign and a very, very, big first-generation handphone.
Trust me, this is far shorter and better than “How I Met Your Mother”.
At first glance, I found humour on that oxymoron but a second look reminded me of how pure love is and how messy relationships are. The title is so perfect in describing how sure — but wary — someone can be in a relationship.
In the first scene of the movie, Will Hayes, played by Reynolds, was about to sign his divorce paper.
But the movie was never about a bitter divorce process like the critically acclaimed Marriage Story. This was about finding love when the time is right with a sugar-coated version of marriage life in the background in which couples can fall in love, fall out of love, and remain civil toward each other.
I believe birth, love, and death each has its own time.
I am among those people who take marriage seriously — maybe too seriously. While I’m not that sure about marriage as an institution and I don’t approve the state to meddle too much in its people’s private life, I do believe both men and women should have equal efforts to maintain the dynamic in a committed monogamous relationship.
By “efforts” I mean communication, honesty, grand gestures, providing time amid a busy schedule, public proclamation, showing up at family/friends gathering, a diamond ring as a token, everything.
P.S. I am fully aware of how toxic the diamond industry is and what was the history behind a diamond engagement ring. I am a product of a patriarchal society and though I am working hard to break through all of the glass ceilings and invisible borders made by the society, I still love shiny things.
P.P.S you can watch below video if you’re can’t be bothered.
As a woman with many flaws — as pointed handsomely by my family members; that I’m a lesser woman than my now-engaged sister because I can’t cook, I stay too long in front of a computer, I drank too much wine — I perfectly aware that relationships are not easy.
Maybe I need to rephrase that.
Look. I know love isn’t a fairytale.
-Maya Hayes
Maya, Hayes’ only daughter, was right. Love has never been a fairytale. Someone can be lucky enough to found his or her soulmate and things can fall right into place when they fall in love. I know it’s true. I felt that.
For those who know me in real life, they know I’m not a traditional type. I need to make sure I’m financially ready to have a child — if I ever want any — , I get offended when a man tells me that I need to agree for “a hard life” — we called it “hidup susah” in the Indonesian language — because I’ve been working hard to make a decent living, to buy gadgets I want, to pay for holidays I need, for the lifestyle I have.
In Indonesia, marriage is not just about the couple. When someone agrees to tie the knot, that person signs a lifetime pact with the whole family. It’s easy to get offended when you’ve been hidden from his or her family for so long.
SPOILER ALERT — In “Definitely, Maybe”, Hayes realised that he was actually fell in love with April (Fisher). Long time ago, Hayes practiced proposing to his college sweetheart and the mother of his daughter, Emily, to her.
You’re asking me to give up my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you, anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote
a consumer-capitalist agenda?-April
April’s comment was AWESOME. Why would anyone agree to marry someone that was not even making a serious proposal?
I wanna marry you because you’re the first person that I want to look at
when I wake up in the morning and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn’t imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you getting married is the only thing left to do.-Will Hayes
But Hayes’ reply was also nice.
Long story short, Hayes still got divorced with Emily, he realised he always loved April, he made the grand gesture with her. He had a pretty awesome fling with a smart journalist (Rachel Weisz) — I really, really love Rachel Weisz as a journalist here — but life went on.
I know life will have its ups and downs. I know we will never be able to be sure. I know I don’t know everything but I know this much is true.
I am ready to take the leap of faith. I want — just like Hayes — to cross that Brooklyn bridge to see April. If Hayes went with his daughter, I’m coming with my baggage, my whole baggage.
So, will you, um, marry me?
-Will Hayes
